Lessons In Avoiding Non-Apologies
2013 was another year of tragedy and triumph and, as usual, we all witnessed loads of colossal public gaffes. Just like every other year. And for every Paula Dean, Lance Armstrong and other famous celebrity mishap, there was often an equally embarrassing mea culpa.
Many mistakes can’t be laughed off or explained away, so a well-crafted apology might be the only thing standing between you and missed promotion, a permanently marred working relationship or a lost client.
Public relations consultants earn their money well, but most of us in consulting do not have the luxury of hiring one. Below are a few shining examples of apologies that just didn’t “stick”. So we can learn from the mistakes of others and when it’s our turn to apologize, here are some insights into how to do it right.
The “Blame Others” Apology
In his public reaction to the recent “Bridge-gate” scandal, governor Chris Christie didn’t apologize so much as throw his senior staff under the bus, and he went so far as to make himself one of the victims by saying, “I am heartbroken that someone who I permitted to be in that circle of trust for the last five years betrayed my trust.”
Lesson: Own It
Whether or not you’re a Christie fan, anyone can recognize a non-apology when they see one. There might have been others involved or unforeseeable turns of fate, but it’s easy to tell when someone issues a non-apology as an excuse to cast blame around.
An apology should be a statement that shows a client, colleague or team that you are personally committed to making things right, even if the mistake wasn’t entirely yours.
The “I Don’t Get It” Apology
Reese Witherspoon chalked up her tirade at a police officer to a few too many drinks. When a reporter pressed her about the real issue – her angry demands for celebrity privilege – Witherspoon claimed momentary insanity and expressed vague remorse for being “disrespectful.”
Lesson: Explain Yourself
You must first convince others that you have a full understanding of what you did wrong before they’ll believe that you regret it. Don’t fall back on cheap excuses; explain the cause of your mistake directly and concisely. Resist the urge to use vague, passive language, and avoid abstract terms like “mistakes,” “behavior” and “regrettable” without backing them up with specifics.
Explain the problem and what you are going to do about it in no uncertain terms, and you are on the right track to maintain (or regain) the respect you’ve earned.
The “I’m Mostly Sorry Because I Got Caught” Apology
Actor Shia LeBeouf apologized for plagiarizing the work of writer Daniel Clowes…and then got caught plagiarizing his apology. Next, he tried to pass the whole thing off as some kind of performance art piece.
Lesson: Admit It, Improve and Move On
People appreciate a contrite heart, but when a client’s time and money is on the line, they not only want to know why something went wrong, but also why it won’t happen again. When crafting your mea culpa, be sure to point out your involvement, but focus on the positive changes that will come out of the unpleasant situation.
Explain your plans specifically and directly so that the wronged party knows you understand what went wrong, you desire to make things better, and that you actually can.
