Act Natural: Four Body Language Cues People Think About Too Much

Body language has power, but it’s most effective when natural and spontaneous. Unfortunately – thanks largely to the writings of amateurs – people repeatedly over-think every facial expression and handshake and end up looking uncomfortable and fake instead of looking like confident professionals. Let’s discuss some important body language cues you might be better off leaving to nature.

“The Handshake”

Myth: Grandpa said a firm grip is always better, and real pros break them down by every finger and knuckle.

Reality: There is power in a handshake, but it is largely subconscious. Think about the last one you actually noticed. Sort of like breath, a handshake is really only noted if it’s exceptionally bad. Likely what you recalled was either someone trying to smash your fingers or something that felt like you were handed a floppy fish. When shaking hands, aim for something confident, but also natural and comfortable. It is actually better to have a naturally mediocre grip than to seem like you are trying too hard to leave an impression…literally.

Smiles

Myth: Smiling always puts people at ease.

Reality: A smile is not always the best medicine (you’ve seen what I’m talking about here, right? Right?). People who try keep one up all the time end up looking fake or unnatural – think politicians. Inauthentic smiles don’t touch the eyes, and real smiles don’t always need the lips. If you want to know how to look upbeat, pay more attention to how you feel inside, which is what you’ll project into an encounter, and less attention to toothpaste ads. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important not to look like you just sucked on a lemon, but it’s authenticity that people relate to and what they will remember fondly.

Power Poses

Myth: Stances of power and authority make people listen and trust your judgement.

Reality: Feet planted, chest out, taking up space and leaning forward: this kind of posturing shows self-assurance, but it can also indicate challenge and dominance. If you’re consulting an “alpha male”-type, he or she may get territorial and antagonistic without even knowing why. For consultants, projecting power isn’t always the best way to gain trust or respect. Some situations call for confident submission, others to be a calming influence by being relaxed and comfortable. If you’re really feeling uneasy, it’s often more advisable to avoid looking nervous than to actively try to look tough.

Eye Contact

Myth: You should hold eye contact for as long as you can to show attention and interest.

Reality: Eye contact is perhaps the strongest form of nonverbal communication, whether in the CEO’s office or on a first date. Nobody holds an unfaltering soul-gaze without serious effort (except maybe Dracula or Bill Clinton). Looking away and briefly breaking eye contact to visualize someone’s point or to formulate a good question shows a more genuine interest than winning a staring contest. Remember, it’s undivided attention that people crave, not a deep look into your soul.

Know What Not To Do

Competent, self-assured people don’t spend time thinking about their own body language – or rather, they don’t let on that they do. So instead of actively posturing, avoid these signs of boredom, discomfort or nervousness:

• Avoiding eye contact.
• Leaning backwards on walls, tables and desks.
• Using too many hand gestures.
• Fidgeting constantly or keeping your hands in your pockets.
• Rocking slightly in your stance and frequently shifting your weight from one leg to the other.
• Scratching your neck and touching your mouth or hair.
• Having your feet or body pointed towards the door.

Remember, the key trick to all of this is to be prepared for anything, and your body language will take care of itself. No matter how your handshake went or whether you broke eye contact during a discussion, if you’re feeling calm on the inside, you’ll project cool confidence to your clients.